Infatuation Read online

  'What had you been expecting?' Had Mrs Doulton expected someone like Caroline Rendell? An elegant, beautiful woman with charm as well as brains? Instantly. Judith felt both irritated and depressed; why were looks so important? She had felt she was getting on very well with Luke's mother, yet Mrs Doulton, too, was measuring her against that implacable standard and finding her unimpressive simply because she was not beautiful.

  'Luke told me you were prickly and difficult,' Mrs Doulton said, taking her by surprise. 'I gather you argue with him all the time; he says you're obstinate and too free with your opinions.'

  'Oh, did he?' Judith murmured, her dark eyes lowered to hide the rebellious glint in them. So that was what he had told his mother, was it? Had he told her why she had been free with her opinions? Did Mrs Doulton know about him and Caroline Rendell?

  Almost on cue, Mrs Doulton asked her: 'Have you met your predecessor, Miss Rendell?'

  'Yes,' said Judith with what she hoped was commendable discretion and lack of intonation, keeping her gaze down because she knew it would betray her.

  'She's exactly the type of girl Luke has had working for him in the States; to get on over there you need that sort of gloss, she can be so charming and she dresses perfectly, she looks the part.'

  'Yes,' said Judith through almost closed lips.

  'But her eyes give her away,' Mrs Doulton went on, surprising her into looking up. 'They do, you know,' Luke's mother added, then laughed teasingly, 'Is that why you wouldn't look at me just now? Afraid of what I'd see in your eyes?'

  Judith didn't say anything but she laughed back, her face lightening.

  'Yes, you can make your mouth smile obediently, you can lie like a trooper, but your eyes tell the truth, and Caroline Rendell has cold eyes,' Mrs Doulton said.

  She pushed back a straying strand of the fine hair which looked like silver-gilt wire; had her hair been blonde or red? She wore it in a loose mass tied back behind her head with a pink ribbon; it gave her the fleeting appearance of girlhood except that it was all silver, and so fine now that you could see her pink scalp through it here and there. She was wearing a delicate dusting of powder on her face, the merest brush of pale pink lipstick; a concession to beauty she did not need because her real beauty lay inside her.

  'I was taken aback when you came in with Luke,' she said. 'Taken aback and delighted—I can talk to you; I could never talk to Caroline. Luke has told you that one' of your chores will be to keep me informed of what he's doing? I don't mean where he is, that sort of thing—he always rings me several times a week whether he's in Tokyo or Los Angeles. I meant as far as the company in London is concerned. I like to know what's going on; I may be stuck in this bed, but that doesn't mean my brain has turned to mashed potato. I keep abreast of current affairs, read the papers each morning, talk to my broker and my banker. The day I stop taking an interest in the rest of the world I'll know I'm dead!'

  Judith laughed, very amused and interested. Mrs Doulton looked delicate and finely balanced, but she talked in a direct, frank way that Judith could relate to immediately. There was a toughness in her which she had handed on to her son; it was that core of her which you sensed as soon as you met her, you felt that she had been through great pain and loss and come out strengthened by it and without bitterness. Was it her illness which gave her that strength? Or the death of her husband? It was probably both, Judith decided; life didn't stop handing you problems simply because you had managed to cope with one painful situation, surely? You still had to go on and face new challenges, or was there a time when .you emerged on to a plateau of calm and acceptance? No, she thought, watching the other woman's face; that was not the resignation of someone who has stepped out of life, those eyes were still looking outwards,

  Mrs Doulton was right about that. She was still very much involved in the world.

  'You are an old friend of Baba's, Luke tells me,' Mrs Doulton said, and Judith nodded.

  'I've known her for years. Her sister is my best friend.'

  'I was beginning to think Luke would never get married. He's been so busy since his father died and he took over.' Mrs Doulton laughed ruefully. 'Oh, there have been girls in his life, but none of them stayed around for long, they never seemed to matter to him; it worried me. He gave all his attention to his work; that was what he really cared about, there was no room in his life for marriage. When a man gets used to living like that it becomes a habit; they get selfish, they don't want to change.' She looked at Judith thoughtfully. 'You're not planning to get married yet?'

  'No,' said Judith, unwilling to discuss herself.

  Mrs Doulton considered her for a moment, then went on: 'I took to Baba on sight; she's a delightful girl, very sweet and warm, but…' She stopped, and Judith frowned, wondering what she had been about to say. Mrs Doulton shrugged, staring towards the window. 'Well, she's what Luke wants and I want him to be happy, one can never guess what goes on inside someone else even when it is your own son.' She turned back to Judith. 'Is Baba what she seems?'

  The question was so sudden and so direct that Judith did not answer for a beat of time, she stared, open-eyed, then she smiled. 'Baba is one hundred per cent genuine, believe me. Ruth and I used to wish she wasn't quite so nice, in fact. We were rather jealous of her when she was younger; she was so staggeringly beautiful people used to stare when she went past. We would have liked her to be spiteful or mean, but she never was, she's pure gold all the way through.'

  Mrs Doulton listened, watching her, nodding. 'I'm glad I wasn't wrong about her. I'd have been furious if she'd taken me in... ' Her eyes were self-deriding. 'Isn't it odd how much we dislike being fooled by someone?'

  'Not odd at all: who enjoys being made a fool of?'

  'Has anyone ever made a fool of you, Judith?'

  'Probably, but I can't remember it now—self-protection. I suppose. '

  They both laughed, then Mrs Doulton asked: 'How did you get into banking?' and for the next few minutes they talked about more general subjects. Judith found it stimulating and enjoyable; she soon realised that Mrs Doulton had a brain like a knife and an encyclopaedic knowledge of international finance. When Luke came back and told them that lunch was now ready Judith was quite reluctant to stop talking to his mother, she couldn't remember when she had met anyone so interesting or so amusing; Mrs Doulton seemed to have met everyone who mattered in that world of money and her judgments on them were usually coolly accurate without being unkind.

  'Come up and see me before you leave, Judith,' Mrs Doulton told her as she followed Luke out of the room, and she looked back, smiling, to nod.

  'She likes you,' Luke said drily; she wondered if he was disappointed.

  'I hope she does—I liked her a lot.' Judith wondered if she had been through a test which all his personal assistants had to pass. Did he use his mother as litmus paper? An acid test which he regarded as a final judgment?

  'A pity I was told to get out, I have a suspicion you didn't show my mother the claws you keep using on me.’ he commented, opening a door from the hall and standing back to let her enter the room into which it led, a sunny dining-room with oak-panelled walls whose golden wood gleamed in the light and reflected the bowls of flowers which stood everywhere and filled the air with spring fragrance.

  Judith didn't rise to that remark, and as they began eating the delicious lunch which Fanny served them a few moments later, Luke said: 'What do I have to say to make you accept that I wasn't cheating on Baba last night?'

  Judith took a mouthful of home-made celery soup, swallowed it while she thought about the question, then looked up and said: 'I'm surprised you take my opinion so seriously; does it matter what I think?'

  'I've been asking myself that ever since last night,' he said wryly. 'I don't know why it should, but it does— yes. It may be childish of me, but I have an irrational dislike of being found guilty when I'm innocent.'

  'For once?' Judith mocked, laughing at him, and suddenly realising that she actually believed hi
m now; perhaps because of his insistence of innocence and perhaps because she had somehow got to know him much better over the last twenty-four hours.

  'Okay, for once,' he said with rueful amusement. 'I've no intention of starting off my marriage by cheating, and it wouldn't be with Caroline, if I was going to stray.'

  'No?' Judith queried, still amused. 'Who, then?'

  He poured some of the cool golden Muscadet into her glass, his hand steady. 'You, maybe.'

  Judith stiffened. 'Don't start flirting with me, Mr Doulton. That's not my scene, I don't steal men from my friends and, even if I did, you're the last man I'd pick. We don't live in the same world.'

  'Funny, I'd have said that that was exactly what we did—not many women can talk as shrewdly and intelligently about money as you, and if they can they rarely have a sense of fun or eyes that laugh when they're looking down—or didn't you think I'd noticed that you look down to laugh from time to time?'

  Judith flushed, looking down now, not to laugh, but to hide the disturbed expression of her eyes. 'Are you sure you're serious about Baba?' she asked with biting emphasis.

  He didn't answer, and they were silent as Fanny removed their soup plates and served the lamb and new potatoes and peas with mint sauce. She talked to Luke scoldingly about his mother as she moved around the table and Luke listened and nodded; patience in his face. He gave her more respect than he ever gave Judith; had she been his nanny? Judith wondered. She behaved like some member of the family.

  When they were drinking their coffee later, Luke asked: 'Do you play croquet?' and Judith shook her head, her face surprised.

  'I'll teach you, then; there's an old croquet set in the garden shed. I enjoy a game on a fine afternoon; there's something relaxing about it. When my mother first moved here and I unearthed the croquet mallets I hunted out a book on the rules; all I could remember of them was that Alice played it in Wonderland with flamingoes for mallets.'

  'I hated Alice when I was a child; I thought it was weird and boring.'

  'I enjoyed it very much the last time I read it; maybe it isn't a children's book at all. Maybe you have to be grown-up to read it.'

  'I haven't read it since I was ten,' Judith confessed.

  'You ought to take another look at it; it may surprise you. Coming out to play croquet?'

  She got up. 'If you like.' She didn't expect to enjoy herself, but to her surprise she did; they laughed a lot and Luke cheated abominably, quite openly, admitting he liked to win no matter how he bent the rules.

  'Sounds ominous,' Judith commented, and he looked down at her, his eyes mocking and brilliant in the late afternoon sunlight. She had a strange swimming sensation; she was dizzy and the back of her neck went cold as though she was going to faint. She must have played too long out in the sun, bending down all the time to tap her ball towards the croquet hoop.

  Before they left Luke took her up to say goodbye to his mother, who said: 'Keep in touch, won't you, Judith? I enjoyed our little chat; perhaps when you're at a loose end some day you'll come down again? While Luke's away I'd be glad if you'd ring me every so often when you have time.'

  Judith promised. On the way back to London Luke said: 'Tomorrow sharp at nine?' His voice was casual, but she knew he wasn't quite sure of her answer because she felt him watching her sideways.

  'I'll be there,' she said calmly. She felt Luke relaxing in his seat. He had the hood up now, the air was cooler with the sun sinking in the sky and a little spring wind blowing through the trees. Judith watched the pink glow on the western heights of the downs where sheep grazed on the short grass and the black shadows thronged in the woods; a late thrush sang defiance to the approaching night and in the little villages in the Weald, in front of them, the lights were springing up like glow-worms in the dusk. Neither she nor Luke talked for some time. Judith felt peaceful and strangely happy; the day which had begun so badly was ending with very different feelings.

  By the time Luke pulled up outside her grandmother's house it was almost dark and the street lights were on. Judith undid her seat-belt and looked round at him.

  'I enjoyed my day. Thank you.'

  'My pleasure,' he said, his face serious. It was stupid, but she suddenly felt uneasy and nervous; she had to get away, she had no idea why.

  'Well, goodnight,' she said, scrambling out of the car so fast that she laddered her tights. She got into the house and only when the door was shut behind her did she stop breathing hard; she felt as though she had been menaced by something in that car, her heartbeat was uneven and her face very hot. She was furious with herself for behaving like a schoolgirl on a first date. Luke must think she was kooky; she had bolted as though he'd just grown fangs, and the poor man hadn't so much as laid a finger on her. She must be crazy to let her imagination run away with her like that. For a second she had been convinced he was about to kiss her; she had really felt as though any minute . . . she ran up to her own room and looked at herself in the mirror accusingly.

  'Make a pass at you? You wish! As if he would! You need certifying, do you know that? You're out of your mind!' Her dark eyes glittered with self-derision.

  Downstairs she heard her grandmother calling. 'Judith? Is that you?'

  'Yes, I'll be down in a minute,' Judith called back, and went into the bathroom and shut the door. This time she avoided looking at mirrors; she washed her hands vigorously as though washing away the memory of her own stupidity and a moment later was able to look cool and cheerful before going down to see Mrs Murry.

  She arrived at the huge office block next morning in a stream of other employees and had to queue for the lift. It was raining outside, a light spring rain which would probably clear up by noon—or so everyone kept telling each other around her. Judith was nervous and hoped it didn't show. Although Luke had talked to her about what he would, expect her to do she was under no illusions about the difficulty of the job; she was going to need all her powers of concentration and every ounce of intelligence she possessed. She already realised that Luke Doulton wasn't the type of man to be ultra-patient; he would probably let her make the odd mistake, but there would be a time limit on how long he expected her to take to get used to the work.

  His office was on the top floor and she was the only occupant left in the lift when it reached that level. She stepped out and walked with as much calm as she could to the receptionist seated at a desk in the carpeted lobby.

  The girl looked up, smiling. She had a round, smooth-skinned, vivacious face and friendly blue eyes. Judith smiled back. 'Good morning, I'm Judith Murry. I have an appointment…'

  'With Mr Doulton—yes, Miss Murry, I'll let him know you're here.' With another smile the girl spoke into the intercom and then stood up. 'Will you come this way, Miss Murry? I'll take you to Mr Doulton's office.'

  She led the way to a pair of double doors at the end of the lobby, tapped and opened one door. 'Miss Murry, sir.' She stood back to let Judith pass her and then said: 'Shall I make some coffee, sir?'

  'In half an hour, Dora,' said Luke, standing up behind a wide desk littered with papers. The door closed and he came forward, pointing to a chair in front of the desk. 'Sit down, Judith. We have a lot to do and very little time to spare.'

  She sat down, crossing her legs, and felt him observing the movement, his narrowed gaze increasing her wariness. Luke perched on the edge of the desk, his knee inches from her own. He was wearing his formal city clothes today, but he had tugged his tie loose and his top shirt button was unfastened. She saw the brown, smooth skin of his throat behind the crisp white material and looked away, irritated with herself for the little jab of awareness. This had to stop; he was going to marry Baba, he wasn't free, and if he was, Judith wouldn't be the sort of girl he would look at twice.

  'You look very efficient today,' he said, a dry note in his voice.

  She looked up again; a flare of pink colour in her face. She was wearing a dark grey woollen suit over a pearl-buttoned white shirt; it gave a touch of chic to her
slender figure, she had chosen it quite deliberately to look calm and efficient, and it infuriated her to see from his smile that he guessed at her reasons for wearing it today.

  'Right.' Luke said abruptly, handing her a folder. ‘Here's a brief synopsis of the work Caroline was handling—you’ll have to hunt out the detailed files from her office later, but this will give you a general idea,’

  She opened the folder and looked down the typed sheets, her eye moving rapidly. Luke watched her, she wished he would not sit so close, he was distracting her and making it hard to concentrate.

  'Take a close look at Sheet 3—those are the companies I’m keeping a watchful eye on and might want to acquire under the right conditions,' he said, and as she slowed down to read the short paragraphs on that page Luke got up and came round behind her. She felt him grasp the back of her chair and lean over. His face almost touched her cheek, she heard his level breathing. Of course he had no idea what he was doing; why should it enter his head that she had suddenly become aware of him? She was human, she thought impatiently; what woman working in such close proximity to any man could be totally unaware of him sexually? Her instincts worked the same as those of any woman, and Luke Doulton was a particularly attractive man: his sexuality was not easy to ignore. She wished to God she could just ignore him. Until yesterday she hadn't dreamt that she would find it so hard to shut out her own femininity and forget that Luke was around, it hadn't occurred to her that there was any danger to her in accepting that job with him. This sort of problem had never arisen before, although she had often worked with attractive men, she had even dated them in her free time on occasions, without having her concentration on work disturbed. She had always found it a simple matter to separate her working and her leisure hours, she enjoyed both without taking the attitudes of one into the performance of the other.

  To her relief Luke straightened and walked round behind his desk to sit down. 'When you've absorbed that stuff we'll discuss it,' he said. 'Then we'll have that coffee.'